Post by myles evan rosier on Jul 6, 2012 17:49:14 GMT -5
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[/b][/div]myles evan rosier
seventeen ▪ slytherin ▪ matthew bomer
Who’s to say why we turn out the ways that we all do? Sometimes, we like to blame our parents. We lay it all on them, claiming that they turned us into the people we have become. Other times, we say it has to do with the lessons we were taught as we grew. We say that our school teachers and governesses led us astray. In my case, I know the exact moment when I became the man I am now. I was about nine-years-old and was with my parents as they called on an old friend. In the neighbors garden was a girl with beautiful locks of blond hair. She was kneeling down, picking something up that she had dropped and then, a burly looking man grabbed her by the arm and dragged her inside the house. The door slammed behind them. Through the side-window though, I could just see her vulnerable face as the man slapped her harshly across the cheek. That, I suppose, was the first time I saw Emily Greengrass. To this day, I have yet to tell her.
Growing up, I had a pretty decent life. I was an only child, my parents always had money, we lived in a spacious manor out in the countryside. My life was never more than I could handle. My mother loved to spoil me with gifts and I possessed a sense of entitlement from an early age. My father gave me a sense of pride. He reminded me that the Rosier name meant something. We were the types who needed to be respected.
My mother had a sister, Druella, who had three daughters. Now days, everyone around school knows my cousins quite well, the Black sisters. Bellatrix was my age so, it was always expected that I’d get along with her best, but I usually only liked to pry at her, make her angry with me. I got along best with Andromeda. She had such an ease about her, a carefree outlook. Narcissa was the baby of the family and only ever seemed to annoy me. They were the ones who taught me how easy it was to be best friends with a girl.
So, when I went off to school for the first time and met Emily Greengrass formally, I’d already had plenty of experience dealing with girls. Of course, Emily had no idea that I’d seen her before, more than once. There was that day so long ago when I saw her get hit. There were other times too though. There was the train. I had peered in at her sitting there in the empty compartment, feeling a sense of familiarity and trying to place her in my head, but not realizing where I’d seen her just yet. Then there was the sorting ceremony. I felt an inclination toward her. Something in my head was so relieved that she’d ended up in the same house as me. I didn’t say anything though. A few weeks later, while she was sitting alone in the Slytherin common, I remembered her from that visit. That was when I knew for sure I’d never have the courage to approach her first. I was thankful that she decided to come to me.
We were only eleven. We were still young. I was still gawky, she was still frail looking. But she had this toughness in her eyes. Something inside her said more to me than anything that anyone else around me was saying. I saw this thread of strength that I wished everyone had. Maybe there wouldn’t be wars or sickness or anything anymore if we all had a little Emily Greengrass in us. I wished all people had that need to thrive.
She wanted me to teach her to fight. More specifically, she wanted me to teach her to defend. Of course, I knew how to do both quite well. My father had taught me these things when I was only a boy. Of course, in my situation, it was for survival purposes. My father had merely taught me because that was something he assumed fathers were required to teach their sons. He wasn’t abusive. Paranoid, yes. Abusive, no.
I learned the hard way during the first lesson with Emily. I felt this instinctive need to let her win our first little practice fight. Something inside me said that she needed to feel empowered. I had been wrong. She needed something real. She’d caught me faking and gave me a load of shit about it. I never went easy on her again. And that was how I knew we were best friends. That was how I knew that I’d never have anyone quite like her in my life. She was special to me.
Years started to jet forward. By my third year, I was growing rapidly. I had a hearty supply of admirers for all occasions. I also quickly earned a reputation as a lady’s man. I started viewing most girls as disposable because that was how they acted. They were just as emotionally unattached as I was. Honestly though, even then, I knew none of these relationships even came close to the kind of bond I had with my best friend.
We fought a lot. We still fight a lot. In the beginning, I think it was just because we were comfortable enough with each other. It was a kind of test. How many things can I say to you before I know how much you’ll still care about me by the end of the night? Mostly, we both fought dirty. We fought honestly. We threw truths at each other as if they were explosives. And then after these fights, the tension would just linger in the air in those awkward moments. Sometimes, we’d make up right then, shake on it or hug. Other times, we’d both walk away, sleeping on our thoughts until morning. But nothing tore us apart. That was what meant we were something amazing. Nothing could really come between us.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve made a lot of poor choices. Some people joke and say that it’s just daddy’s money going to waste. I’ve bought illegal drugs and potions and used them to forget the world around me. I wish I could say I had some grand excuse, but I don’t. I just couldn’t handle the reality of life around me. So, I let everything disappear into a haze.
I didn’t start doing drugs until after my first assignment for Him. It was only natural that a Rosier would be fighting in the name of someone who wanted a reign of purity in the Wizarding World. My parents hopped onto the band wagon faster than most pureblooded families. So, by age sixteen, my parents pushed me into full training as a Death Eater. I excelled quickly. Those curses which are considered unforgivable became my specialty. I was given this assignment to go kill this man in Hogsmeade on midnight of Halloween. Most of the other students were passed out in a sugar induced coma at the school so, I could easily get from the school to the village unnoticed. I found him and made the killing quick. I tried to make myself think that I was serving a greater purpose by doing this. But I knew what I did was wrong. I felt that sinking feeling in my stomach. I had done damage that I would never be able to repair. That was how I knew I was in too deep to turn back.
I waited a long time to say anything to Emily. Obviously she noticed the changes in me. The late night drinking binges, the drugs, the vacant looks I’d offer. And she started to become suspicious. She knew I was doing something with the Death Eaters, but didn’t know to what extent I’d been dragged into things. And that’s how things have been. It’s all been up in the air for months. The two of us have just been waiting to explode. Someday, she’ll get all of these secrets out of me. Someday, I’ll be free. But until then, I choose to forget, to pretend, to make believe I am not myself. I can never truly stop being Myles Rosier though. I’m inescapable.
What can I take from all of this though? My life so far? I suppose you could say that the moment that made me who I am wasn’t a moment of mere observation. It was the moment that I spotted my first true weakness. It was the moment I knew I would fall in love. It was the moment I felt something stir inside me that may never have developed otherwise. Because of Emily Greengrass, I have a conscience, I have a need to protect something, and I understand that I can’t ever sit by while someone I love is hurt again. My story hasn’t been only mine since the moment I laid eyes on her. It’s been ours. It’s been our love story, one moment at a time.
Growing up, I had a pretty decent life. I was an only child, my parents always had money, we lived in a spacious manor out in the countryside. My life was never more than I could handle. My mother loved to spoil me with gifts and I possessed a sense of entitlement from an early age. My father gave me a sense of pride. He reminded me that the Rosier name meant something. We were the types who needed to be respected.
My mother had a sister, Druella, who had three daughters. Now days, everyone around school knows my cousins quite well, the Black sisters. Bellatrix was my age so, it was always expected that I’d get along with her best, but I usually only liked to pry at her, make her angry with me. I got along best with Andromeda. She had such an ease about her, a carefree outlook. Narcissa was the baby of the family and only ever seemed to annoy me. They were the ones who taught me how easy it was to be best friends with a girl.
So, when I went off to school for the first time and met Emily Greengrass formally, I’d already had plenty of experience dealing with girls. Of course, Emily had no idea that I’d seen her before, more than once. There was that day so long ago when I saw her get hit. There were other times too though. There was the train. I had peered in at her sitting there in the empty compartment, feeling a sense of familiarity and trying to place her in my head, but not realizing where I’d seen her just yet. Then there was the sorting ceremony. I felt an inclination toward her. Something in my head was so relieved that she’d ended up in the same house as me. I didn’t say anything though. A few weeks later, while she was sitting alone in the Slytherin common, I remembered her from that visit. That was when I knew for sure I’d never have the courage to approach her first. I was thankful that she decided to come to me.
We were only eleven. We were still young. I was still gawky, she was still frail looking. But she had this toughness in her eyes. Something inside her said more to me than anything that anyone else around me was saying. I saw this thread of strength that I wished everyone had. Maybe there wouldn’t be wars or sickness or anything anymore if we all had a little Emily Greengrass in us. I wished all people had that need to thrive.
She wanted me to teach her to fight. More specifically, she wanted me to teach her to defend. Of course, I knew how to do both quite well. My father had taught me these things when I was only a boy. Of course, in my situation, it was for survival purposes. My father had merely taught me because that was something he assumed fathers were required to teach their sons. He wasn’t abusive. Paranoid, yes. Abusive, no.
I learned the hard way during the first lesson with Emily. I felt this instinctive need to let her win our first little practice fight. Something inside me said that she needed to feel empowered. I had been wrong. She needed something real. She’d caught me faking and gave me a load of shit about it. I never went easy on her again. And that was how I knew we were best friends. That was how I knew that I’d never have anyone quite like her in my life. She was special to me.
Years started to jet forward. By my third year, I was growing rapidly. I had a hearty supply of admirers for all occasions. I also quickly earned a reputation as a lady’s man. I started viewing most girls as disposable because that was how they acted. They were just as emotionally unattached as I was. Honestly though, even then, I knew none of these relationships even came close to the kind of bond I had with my best friend.
We fought a lot. We still fight a lot. In the beginning, I think it was just because we were comfortable enough with each other. It was a kind of test. How many things can I say to you before I know how much you’ll still care about me by the end of the night? Mostly, we both fought dirty. We fought honestly. We threw truths at each other as if they were explosives. And then after these fights, the tension would just linger in the air in those awkward moments. Sometimes, we’d make up right then, shake on it or hug. Other times, we’d both walk away, sleeping on our thoughts until morning. But nothing tore us apart. That was what meant we were something amazing. Nothing could really come between us.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve made a lot of poor choices. Some people joke and say that it’s just daddy’s money going to waste. I’ve bought illegal drugs and potions and used them to forget the world around me. I wish I could say I had some grand excuse, but I don’t. I just couldn’t handle the reality of life around me. So, I let everything disappear into a haze.
I didn’t start doing drugs until after my first assignment for Him. It was only natural that a Rosier would be fighting in the name of someone who wanted a reign of purity in the Wizarding World. My parents hopped onto the band wagon faster than most pureblooded families. So, by age sixteen, my parents pushed me into full training as a Death Eater. I excelled quickly. Those curses which are considered unforgivable became my specialty. I was given this assignment to go kill this man in Hogsmeade on midnight of Halloween. Most of the other students were passed out in a sugar induced coma at the school so, I could easily get from the school to the village unnoticed. I found him and made the killing quick. I tried to make myself think that I was serving a greater purpose by doing this. But I knew what I did was wrong. I felt that sinking feeling in my stomach. I had done damage that I would never be able to repair. That was how I knew I was in too deep to turn back.
I waited a long time to say anything to Emily. Obviously she noticed the changes in me. The late night drinking binges, the drugs, the vacant looks I’d offer. And she started to become suspicious. She knew I was doing something with the Death Eaters, but didn’t know to what extent I’d been dragged into things. And that’s how things have been. It’s all been up in the air for months. The two of us have just been waiting to explode. Someday, she’ll get all of these secrets out of me. Someday, I’ll be free. But until then, I choose to forget, to pretend, to make believe I am not myself. I can never truly stop being Myles Rosier though. I’m inescapable.
What can I take from all of this though? My life so far? I suppose you could say that the moment that made me who I am wasn’t a moment of mere observation. It was the moment that I spotted my first true weakness. It was the moment I knew I would fall in love. It was the moment I felt something stir inside me that may never have developed otherwise. Because of Emily Greengrass, I have a conscience, I have a need to protect something, and I understand that I can’t ever sit by while someone I love is hurt again. My story hasn’t been only mine since the moment I laid eyes on her. It’s been ours. It’s been our love story, one moment at a time.
tippy ▪ skype: tiffany.saxe ▪ pacific
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