circus freaks }{ ollie

[emma elizabeth logan]

The rain was constant. Emma couldn’t stop shaking for some reason. She hadn’t eaten anything in three days. She was skin and bones and cigarette smoke. That was her reality. And there wasn’t anyone. No, that was a lie, there was always Alice. But Emma felt like she was a burden to her older sister. Alice was the only person in the world Emma would ever love without any hesitation, without any uncertainty. Emma didn’t want to throw heaps of drama into her sister’s life. She’d be driving away the only person she never wanted to drive away. So, Em kept it to herself. She hid her crap because that was all it really was at the end of the day, crap.

She sat alone in the busy pub. It was a Hogsmeade weekend and students flocked to The Three Broomsticks the same way mosquitoes moved toward bug zappers on hot summer nights. Emma treated herself to an inward smile at the thought of her fellow students being nothing more than blood sucking bugs with wings. That was how they looked at her sometimes. They gave her these expressions that suggested she was so terrible and she was so annoying. But Emma wasn’t a mosquito. No, Emma was more like a moth. She was fairly harmless. She wasn’t a social and beautiful butterfly, but she had her own kind of charm and she could be in the same room as others for a full ten minutes without them noticing her. That was Emma Logan.

Her hair was pulled back hastily into a messy pony tail. She’d left it down and then ended up drenched from the rain. She wore holy jeans, a long black tunic-looking shirt, and a pair of grungy looking leather boots with worn out buckles on them. Her makeup was the kind of mess other girls had to work hard to accomplish. Emma was good at looking like a disaster though. She lived a horror every day, her life. It wasn’t like her life was so bad. It was just hard. She felt like she had to put in so much more effort than others. She had try harder because she couldn’t just be happy like everyone else. The only thing she could be naturally was empty and sad.

A small group of Slytherin fourth years waded through the group and spotted Emma. Two of the girls broke out laughing. The guy gave Emma a long look, one of the up and down kinds. She felt as though she was a specimen and they were examining her for a project. She tried not to snort with laughter because she knew neither of the girls would ever be intelligent enough to understand anything along the lines of muggle science. They could hardly master their charms homework and fourth year charms was a very simple course.

Emma turned her attention to her glass of butterbeer. It had been sitting in front of her for at least fifteen minutes and she’d not touched it. There was a sort of internal struggle going on inside her. Part of her longed for the warmth and comfort of the familiar drink and another part of her dared not drink it in fear that she’d simply order glass and glass and gulp them all down until she threw up. Life was addictive and Emma knew that better than anyone. So, her contemplation was short-lived. She looked away from the glass and reached over to push it farther from her body. All the easier to resist.

Emma felt as though someone had planted a pocket watch inside her heart. It was ticking away slowly, tick tock, tick tock. She felt it fading gently. Would anyone be able to wind her back up again? Or would her pocket watch stop working and would she merely end up lost to the world. Nobody would want a broken pocket watch. Where’s the use in that? Emma was always terrible at telling time.

She felt cloudy. It was like she was reflecting the weather outside. So, when Emma looked up and spotted Olivia Mckinnon moving near her table, she didn’t exactly process her slight head nod. That was a universal signal, a way of saying, ”Yes, sit here at my table. I don’t mind. I’m practically invisible anyway and the snobby fourth year girls just took the last empty table for themselves.” Emma tried to get her head to catch up with her actions and she realized that she’d soon be sharing a table with one of her sister’s friends, a Gryffindor. Emma wasn’t used to hanging out with Gryffindors other than Alice. Emma was used to Gryffindors expecting her to be nice and then her shattering their expectations. Her being Alice’s sister meant nothing of her personality. It always took people a while to realize that. Emma waited for Olivia to make some kind of move before she’d let herself feel weird about the situation. What did she care? She’d been bored and alone anyway.

[olivia beatrice mckinnon]

CAN YOU SEE THE WORKING CLASSES TRUDGING THROUGH THEIR YEARS.
TIME GOES SLOWLY WHEN YOU’RE OLDER, WAIT UNTIL THE SUN TURNS BLACK. CAN YOU SEE THE
WISE MAN SIMPLY LIVING, LOVING QUIETLY. EVERY BREATH HE TAKES, AN ETERNITY.
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Hogsmeade weekends were usually enjoyable for the students of Hogwarts. They practically ran away from the professors and all of that homework they had procrastinated away until the day before class. It was usually a fun time, experiencing the wizarding world away from cold castle walls. No matter how many of the fireplaces were cracking, no matter how many torches were lit, the castle generally felt cold most days, especially to Ollie. She hadn’t the time to practice that fake smile in the mirror, or learn to flip her hair just the right way to make people think she cared about their judgements of her. She was a Mckinnon, and that meant that judgements deserved none of her attention. So, when the trip to Hogsmeade came up, Ollie ran out of the castle like the rest of them, but part of her never wanted to go back.

Marlene had requested a large pack of firewhiskey from her older sister, and Ollie drug herself into The Three Broomsticks to fetch it. She threw a wink over to the barkeep, who knew to stock up when the Hogwarts students came to town. Her smile drifted over to him, and he danced away to get her supplies. Just a charm or two and it would be only broomstick cleaning supplies, nothing to cause alarm. As the barkeep disappeared, Ollie’s smile did as well. She was walking around numb in the wet weather, staring mindlessly from one shop to the next, drifting alone down the muddy paths. A majority of the seventh years were hiding behind Zonkos, collecting new stock of weed to resupply the broom closet. Ollie left them to their work, uninterested in anything that required much human contact, and went on with her miserable life.

Emma Logan sat at the only relatively open table in the pub today, and Ollie looked at her with silent admiration. Alice’s younger sister was always known as Alice’s younger sister but yet, Emma kept her stones about her, she kept hold of herself no matter how strange and messed up it got. Ollie wished she could be the same. She knew that today her worries and her troubles were showing on her face, in her empty eyes, in the way she slouched her shoulders and dragged her feet. Ollie wasn’t so good at covering shit up, it sprinkled merrily across her face and body, announcing her strangeness to the world. All Ollie really needed was someone who understood, who could say, Yes Olivia, you’re broken, but I love you. She shuddered at her own name, too girly to fit her tomboy nature, and she sat down across from Emma. Both girls were relatively quiet, but today silence wasn’t golden..it was more like a murky shade of bronze.

”You know, I absolutely hate the thought of drudging back to Hogwarts in only a few hours time. I’d rather stay out here in the rain. I’d rather let it just drown me, you know? So I don’t have to face anymore smiling, high faces. So I don’t have to care if Marley gets her damn firewhiskey. She’s only going to abuse it anyway. And I don’t want to see any of those girls anymore…it’s just, it’s all just…it’s shit isn’t it? Solid shit.” And there it was. It rolled out of her like a broken pearl necklace. The beads picking up all of the dust and the dirt, and being stepped on and crushed, all of their beauty destroyed when they are no longer part of the whole. Ollie leaned her head against one fist, and reached out for Emma’s untouched butterbeer.

She knocked back the glass and gulped down the warm liquid. It calmed her heart down, it had been beating rather fast since she opened her mouth to speak. The butterbeer seemed to extend out from her throat to the very tips of her fingers and toes. It settled the hairs on the back of her neck back down. She put the empty glass down, clunking it against the worn wood. Ollie licked her lips once and looked apologetically up at Emma. "I'll buy you another one..." Her voice was fragile, almost too quiet to hear, which was an odd thing for a Mckinnon. She just gave a sigh and let her chin hit the table, and her arms flew up over her head, messing with the already tousled and matted hair.

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SEVEN HUNDRED & FIFTY EIGHT WORDS

[emma elizabeth logan]

Emma sat in her chair like some sort of partially lifeless rag doll. Aside from the occasional tiny movement, she was dead to the world. Until Olivia Mckinnon started on her speech. That was when the corners of Emma’s mouth twisted up into this kind of wicked little smile. That was the smile that Emma had possessed all her life. It was the smile she abused most often. That was the smile she offered up to strangers in a half-hearted attempt to amuse and frighten them all at once. It was the sort of smile that generally made people question her. She’d gotten people to literally ask her what was wrong with her when she’d worn that smile. But she knew Olivia wouldn’t be that stupid. Olivia Mckinnon was not an idiot. That was enough to keep Emma interested. It seemed as though the vast majority of the people around them were all idiots and if Olivia wasn’t one, that was a welcoming change.

”Shit.” Emma murmured with a snort of a laugh escaping her. She had always kept her silent treatment a steady personality description amongst the people who she considered strangers and acquaintances, but this was different. Em wanted to talk and she didn’t know why. ”People suck. I’d run away with you.” Emma spoke in a sort of raspy voice. That was how her voice had been the past few years, since she started smoking so many cigarettes and had gotten one too many colds, causing her vocal chords distress. ”But only if we went to the circus. I’ve got a strangely passionate love for the circus.” Em never let her wicked smile fade.

Emma watched with extremely subtle envy as Olivia gulped down the butterbeer. She made sure that she kept a nice, bored expression on her face now. Her wicked smile had taken a nap and she looked as blank as ever again. Olivia offered to get her another and Emma winced slightly. ”It’s fine. I wouldn’t have drank that one anyway.” Em reassured her.

”So, are you really serious about it? Or are you all talk? That’s how everyone is. They’re just talk. It’s so easy to sit here and think everything’s wrong with the world, but when it comes down to the actions we ourselves can take to change things, suddenly we all hit a stage of denial and we can’t progress forward into change the way we ought to. So, would you really run off? Or would you say you want to and then never do so? You’re only going to ever live once. This could be the perfect moment to run. This could be the perfect moment to throw everything away. And you wouldn’t know unless you took that chance, that risk.” Emma was playing her words out like a song. Not singing. Emma wasn’t big on singing. Songs seemed more often to express feelings of love and happiness or sorrows brought on by love and Em hated those kinds of things. No, her words felt worthy of their own songs though. If her voice didn’t remind her of a dying cat, she’d probably try and write them into lyrics so other people would really hear her for once, would really listen to what she was telling them.

She kept Olivia trained in her steady gaze. She wondered if her intensely blue eyes were bothering Olivia yet. Other girls in Em’s dorm or other students in her classes would ask her to look away if she stared for too long because her gaze was so dominating. She often intimidated or confused people with nothing more than an aimless staring. She wondered if Olivia was like the rest of them after all.

[olivia beatrice mckinnon]

CAN YOU SEE THE WORKING CLASSES TRUDGING THROUGH THEIR YEARS.
TIME GOES SLOWLY WHEN YOU’RE OLDER, WAIT UNTIL THE SUN TURNS BLACK. CAN YOU SEE THE
WISE MAN SIMPLY LIVING, LOVING QUIETLY. EVERY BREATH HE TAKES, AN ETERNITY.
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Ollie looked up at Emma, catching that smile out of the corner of her eye. Emma Logan was an odd person at times, but Ollie pushed through it. She knew Alice well, and had spent a good deal of time with Emma before too. Emma didn't scare her away, she didn't make her question anything, save perhaps the idea of returning to Hogwarts. No Emma couldn't freak Ollie out in any way, whether it was intentional or not, because Ollie was just as strange and separated from the rest of the student body as she was. Her lips curled up in a friendly, understanding response, and she turned to signal the barkeep to get her another butterbeer. It sailed through the air and landed, a little messily, in front of her. She lifted it to her lips and drank, this time, only slow sips.

"The circus?" Ollie's mind drifted off to tall tents and scantily clad ladies swinging from ropes. She had hardly experienced circuses, but figured she lived crazily enough everyday back home when she'd run out to find creatures of all sorts. She'd bring them back, sneak them into her bedroom, and generally just be quiet the animal trainer, one she assumed would rise through the rankings of the circus. There was something mildly amusing about running away to the circus, a fairytale that slipped through the cracks when Ollie pushed away princess dresses and make-up. She blinked back to the Three Broomsticks and looked up at Emma. And that's when she finally understood. Emma was never meant to live like Alice did, she was never meant to be stuck in school. She was meant to be swinging on those ropes, just as Ollie was meant to break the mold of womanhood.

Ollie set down the butterbeer and gazed into Emma's blue eyes. She stared, seriously through them, hoping to find a true sense of adventure and necessity. Ollie needed this break, more than anything, and she was just hoping that Emma really did too. "Kid, I'm so up for it. Hogsmeade trips are never really supervised, and no one would be looking for us until this evening." She spoke as if it was a war plan, set out above kings and generals. And in a way, it was just that. She was waging war on conformity. As Ollie spoke, her eyes flickering back and forth between Emma and her golden, warm beverage, she thought of how grand it would be to actually find a circus. But where would they start? Its not like circuses just landed in your lap.

"I'm not just talk. Believe me Emma, I'm all for it. Let's get out of here, right now. Let Marlene find another way to get her butterbeer, and let those sods of professors struggle to tell our parents that they don't know where we are. It'll be liberating." She laughed, a small and quiet chuckle, and downed the rest of her butterbeer. A dribble escaped from the corner of her mouth, as unladylike as ever, and Ollie snorted, the warm froth bubbling up again in her throat.

Ollie slammed her palms on the table. The Three Broomsticks was filling up fast as the lunch hour rolled around. More students were piling in, laughing and skipping past Ollie and Emma on their way to more, average company. She slipped out of her chair and stood back against the table flat as a group of fifth year boys paraded on inside. She rolled her eyes, turned forward towards the exit door. She gave a condescending look towards the rest of her quidditch team that sat at booth near the door. "I'm goin'. Shit yeah, I'm going.." She tugged once on Emma's shoulder and then took her long strides out the door.

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SIX HUNDRED & THIRTY-ONE WORDS

[emma elizabeth logan]

So much of Emma’s life was lived in this sort of numb embrace. She felt paralyzed emotionally. But, as Olivia’s words met Emma’s ears, she felt a tiny spark of something waft up from within her. Was it excitement? Was it that longing feeling of acceptance? Emma’s blank expression slowly turned to something new, something strange and foreign and contorted. This couldn’t possibly be reality. This had to be a dream or some sort. And then, Ollie was plotting, was scheming. Emma could have kissed her on the lips, but she knew Olivia might be a little freaked out if she did so.

Emma stood up as Ollie did and tried to hide her shaking. That empty feeling, that hunger, was subsiding. Something was filling one of the millions of tiny gaps inside Emma’s body. That something was a promise, a flicker of hope provided by the eldest Mckinnon girl. Emma would have followed Olivia through a wall of scalding flames if Olivia had proposed doing so the way she had just then.

”Liberating hardly describes what we’re about to do. We’re setting ourselves free. You see that, don’t you? These are our lives and we’re claiming them back after they’ve been stolen away from us for far too long.” Emma whispered the words. She felt Ollie’s hand on her shoulder and she didn’t know what to do. When other touched her, Emma shook away. When Ollie’s hand met her shoulder, she wanted to cry out in pain. All she managed was a wince. Physical contact was almost poisonous in Emma’s eyes. The only person she openly accepted contact with was Alice. Well, and the guys Emma ended up with while drunk, but they hardly counted. It was during those moments of precious sobriety when Emma guarded herself the most. Those were her most honest hours. And she just couldn’t get away from her own distrust in others.

This was a whole new concept to Emma. This was having someone leap into her life and ask to do something. Emma wasn’t in control of everything. She was in the sense that she had suggested their little run away, but Olivia had made their plan. Emma wasn’t the one pulling all the strings and putting on their puppet show. She felt shakier than before. This time, it was anxiety. She wasn’t anxious about leaving, but she was anxious about going with Olivia and having this older girl influence her.

A tiny voice seemed to whisper somewhere in the back of her head though. The voice was calling out to her with a sort of knowing cry. It said, ”Emma, it’s the circus. You can let one person in if it means a casual escape. There are worse people to be stuck with anyway. At least Olivia doesn’t mercilessly annoy you to death.” That was all it took. Emma was going. This was it. This was the change she’d been seeking out in such an unhealthy and frightening fashion. She grabbed Olivia’s hand and grasped it in her own.

”Just outside the village. I know where to go. I know who to talk to. We’re running away.” Emma murmured. There was no turning back now. Without time to process anything else, Emma was running through the streets of Hogsmeade. She had Olivia’s hand in hers and she was leaving all that she had known behind her in a blur. They ran like that, without it being even remotely necessary, until Em spotted the person she was looking for. He was a dwarf with a top hat and colorful suspenders. He stood before a series of towering tents. There were carnival rides and food kiosks. There were animals, both penned away and out in the open as well. It was almost empty except for those who worked there. It wasn’t open yet. They’d only just set up. Their first show would be that very night. Perhaps Emma and Ollie could convince this man that they would be the perfect addition to that show. Now was the time for judgment. Now was the time to impress him.

[olivia beatrice mckinnon]

CAN YOU SEE THE WORKING CLASSES TRUDGING THROUGH THEIR YEARS.
TIME GOES SLOWLY WHEN YOU’RE OLDER, WAIT UNTIL THE SUN TURNS BLACK. CAN YOU SEE THE
WISE MAN SIMPLY LIVING, LOVING QUIETLY. EVERY BREATH HE TAKES, AN ETERNITY.
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Ollie's hand tingled at the touch of Emma's. Her fingers had just enough time to wrap around her thin, cold flesh and then they were off. The village blurred by, their feet kicked up dirt as they skimmed the surface of the earth, and Ollie felt her muscles fly up into a smile. It was half forced by the pounding rhythm of their running, and half a sense of honest joy. The two blurred together and Ollie couldn't tell if she was excited, nervous, or just moving when her body told her to move. Either way, she was headed to the circus.

They disappeared into a cloud just outside of Hogsmeade. Tents and people dotted the area like the students did in the courtyards between class. Each had a place to go, a job to do, or someone they needed to talk to. A sense of urgency and energy bubbled up inside of Ollie, it lingered in the air around the men and women. Her eyes took in all of the sights, the animals and strange contraptions, the glittering outfits and mutated body parts. Everything seemed like one spell away from disaster, but it all came together into something that seemed beautiful to Ollie. She felt like her own disaster was turned into glory inside the circus rings.

Colors were brighter, music was lighter and louder, and the wafting smell of dirty skin, greasy hair, and animal droppings circled around the girls. Ollie could be the girl that rode the elephants, she could be the one to tame lions and tigers. Ollie could ride atop the wings of hippogriffs and thestrals. She could actually live like she had always pretended to back home. Home. Running in between trees and darting away from father's worried calls was home. It was hiding in bushes with torn up clothes and messy hair, whispering for Marlene to never tell Mother what she had done. Home was far away from this place, a distant and foggy past, but Marlene flashed vividly before her eyes.

The firewhiskey had been left in the pub, in the hands of a very confused barkeep, his eyes piercing through the thick crowd to find the tall, gangly girl. Marlene would be waiting in the common room for Ollie, expecting those broom cleaning supplies to celebrate Gryffindor previous win in hopes of many more. For a moment Ollie bit her lip, aware suddenly of the real implications of her actions. Of course that had been what Emma meant, when most people backed out, thinking of the ones they love most. Ollie had carelessly forgotten it all. She had forgotten home, Marlene, quidditch, and firewhiskey, all in a selfish attempt to be Gryffindor's bravest. It would only take a few steps backwards and she could fix everything.

But when Emma stopped before that dwarf in a top hat, Ollie's mind dissolved to simpler thoughts. It was now time to show what she was made of, just her, bare naked with no family name and no quidditch reputation. "We're gonna really do this." Ollie said, peering into Emma's gaunt face. "I never felt more alive..." Her voice trailed off with the music of trumpets and pianos and violins all dancing along, charmed to play familiar carnival sounds. Her lips melted into the red and white stripped tents, her body loosened to the acrobats tricks, and her eyes sparkled with the elephant rider's glimmering leotard.

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FIVE HUNDRED & SEVENTY ONE WORDS

[emma elizabeth logan]

Emma stared into the eyes of this strange little man. She knew he was in charge, or he would take them to whoever was. She also knew how to play her cards with people. She didn’t have much experience in circus folk, but she knew she belonged there more than she’d ever belonged anywhere else before. Before she knew it, she was talking. She tone was persuasive, luring anyone who could hear in. ”We’re here to join you. I know you’ve probably heard that a hundred times in the past week alone, but I’m dead serious. We’ll do whatever you want. We’ll clean up the elephant muck if that’s what needs doing round here. The point is, we’re two beautiful young women who will work for little pay and not complain. It’s a take it or leave it offer, but I promise you won’t regret taking it.” Emma went as far as to show a dominating expression. The intensity of her eyes seemed to only grow more over-whelming.

Emma waited for some kind of response, some kind of show of interest. The dwarf merely looked her up and down, a small smile chancing a dance across his face. He wasn’t taking her seriously. Emma wanted to punch him in the face. Despite all her hiding of emotions, Emma didn’t lack them and her temper was her least trained of feelings. She suppressed her urge though. This wasn’t school. This was real life. This mattered and she couldn’t throw things away just because she was an angry teenager. She composed herself emotionally before speaking again. ”We can prove it to you. Give us a day’s work with no pay to see if we’re capable.” Emma murmured. She saw the dwarf’s amused look turn to wagering. He smiled.

”You’ve got yourselves a deal. The elephant yard is round back. You won’t miss it. There are gloves, shovels, and buckets in the supply truck.” The dwarf said in a high-pitched, fast-paced tone. Emma nodded and granted herself a glance at their surroundings. It wasn’t until that moment, when they were given the order to go clean up elephant shit, that Emma realized something. She hadn’t let go of Olivia’s hand the entire time. She’d kept it grasped in her own all along. For some reason, it had felt too right. She let go of it then, just realizing how weird that had to seem. She started in the direction the dwarf had pointed. This was the beginning.

[olivia beatrice mckinnon]

CAN YOU SEE THE WORKING CLASSES TRUDGING THROUGH THEIR YEARS.
TIME GOES SLOWLY WHEN YOU’RE OLDER, WAIT UNTIL THE SUN TURNS BLACK. CAN YOU SEE THE
WISE MAN SIMPLY LIVING, LOVING QUIETLY. EVERY BREATH HE TAKES, AN ETERNITY.
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Ollie stood silently while Emma talked their way though. She cocked her head to the side, and gave a flirty smile when it was called for. Tried her hand at winking to see if that might get her through. Olivia Mckinnon was trying to be a sexual young woman, instead she gave off quite the opposite impression. It was good for them both though, that Emma knew how to persuade. If Ollie had stopped to really think about it, she would have noticed how odd it was for her to be struck silent and Emma to be talking their way through to the next step. But it worked, as if the circus was already molding them into who they were supposed to be. It was taming Ollie, and she thanked heaven she hadn't blurted out anything stupid, and it was coaxing Emma out of her shell. The circus, what a brand new world.

Ollie smiled, a giddy sort of smile, and gave a little jump when the dwarf had walked off. Sure cleaning up animal droppings didn't seem like any better than the "shit" the girls had been dreading back at the pub, but to Ollie it was glorious. Emma dropped her hand, but Ollie was too excited to notice the difference. She had lost all reality and was dancing along in a new world. She forgot the old Emma Logan, the old Olivia Mckinnon. They were different people now, and old antics and mannerisms seemed to fade away with the wind. All we have to do is the dirty work for the first part of the day, and then we can sneak in to show 'em what we're made off. Ollie explained, to herself more than Emma. She was pumping herself up, if she could get any more inflated, to make a show.

Ollie turned to the direction they had been shown. Elephants. Ollie had never seen real elephants before. The queer muggle creature was fascinating to Ollie who had only experienced Britain's fauna. She flung her hair over her shoulders and marched off, not waiting another moment. The elephants roamed the area, four of them, bedazzled in jewels and silk material. A man with a large scar across his face stomped off from the yard. Ollie's imagination conjured the moment he was cut by the mighty lion, or maybe it was a dragon! Ahha! Isn't this just so...so...god I can't think of a damn word for it. Ollie immediately grabbed her gloves and the shovel leaning against the tent. There was quite the pile right in front of the water trough and it was just calling for Ollie.

Sure Emma probably wasn't this excited about dung as Ollie, but this was where Ollie needed to be, around creatures. She peered around the corner hoping to see the tell tale signs of at threstral: raw meat being consumed by an invisible monster. Ollie always had a connection with the creatures, an invisible but kind heart but always thought of as something too strange for anyone's fancy. Off in another tent, a lioness roared. Ollie's ears picked up and she gaped over in Emma's direction as if to say, My god did you hear that! With so many noises, people, and ideas firing off in her mind, Ollie started scouping up plain old dirt and missing the pile of droppings completely.

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FIVE HUNDRED & SIXTY-THREE WORDS

[emma elizabeth logan]

It was all so strange, so surreal. Emma was walking toward the elephant enclosure with Olivia and she felt the absence of the other girl’s hand like a slight itch. Why was this bothering her so much? Em shook it off with a slight raising of her right eye-brow. She was questioning herself. And then, they were in the thick of the circus. They were there and it was real and they were living it. Emma felt a kind of somersault in her stomach and her eyes grew wider. She was as blank as ever, until Olivia started chattering away about all the little things. Emma couldn’t help but feel like she was seeing some kind of secret side of Olivia that she’d never seen before. She also felt strangely attached to this girl, this girl who was older and younger and wild and tame all at once. It was like having another friend. A real friend. Someone like Ali or Severus. Someone who didn’t treat her like she had the plague but who would talk to her the same as they would anyone else.

”Show ‘em what we’re made of? Really? What are you made of Olivia? I’m interested.” Emma murmured in her raspy voice as she picked up her shovel. She yearned to use her magic but knew she’d be in deeper shit than she was literally standing in should she do so. She also began to wonder what she was there for. She couldn’t possibly go up in front of a stage of people. She wasn’t like Olivia. She couldn’t be out there and beautiful and alive with that energy that Olivia had just expressed. At best, Emma could push and manipulate others. That was the only thing she was good at and she wasn’t the best at it by any means. She tried to scrounge up some kind of useful purpose aside from shoveling elephant feces that she could bring to the table. The only memory that came to her was learning how to sew like a muggle would. She, her mother, and her sister had taken it up as a hobby one long Summer when Emma was eight-years-old. Alice had seemed bored by it, but Emma was fairly good with needles and thread. She could work a sewing machine and she was quick and crafty. Some inner practical side of her knew how to make things work without putting too much thought into them.

”I never thought this would be so real.” Emma whispered to herself more than to Olivia. Em felt as if she were surrounded by all these things and they were all so amazing and wonderful and captivating, yet she couldn’t look them in the eye. She couldn’t confront them because she was afraid they’d disappear. She was afraid that it was too real. That it would be ripped from her just when she got used to it. She felt her face go pale, her throat felt choked, and her breath seemed trapped. Panic was surging through her, but Emma couldn’t show it. That was personal, that was hers. So, she dug her shovel deep into the muck and leaned on the handle. She closed her eyes and thought to herself, You are invisible. This isn’t real. You’re not even here. The words registered and she felt a long breath of air come rushing out of her. Why was she such a freak? No one had noticed. It would be fine. She was the only person who saw her true self.

[olivia beatrice mckinnon]

CAN YOU SEE THE WORKING CLASSES TRUDGING THROUGH THEIR YEARS.
TIME GOES SLOWLY WHEN YOU’RE OLDER, WAIT UNTIL THE SUN TURNS BLACK. CAN YOU SEE THE
WISE MAN SIMPLY LIVING, LOVING QUIETLY. EVERY BREATH HE TAKES, AN ETERNITY.
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Olivia lost herself in the moment, in the way that the shovel felt in her hands. She lost herself the moment she heard that distinct sound of a large animal meandering past, and she definitely lost that feeling of guilt for leaving Marley and the rest of Hogwarts behind. What was a seventh year supposed to do? Ollie had hard feelings from time to time, that inability to comfortably assert yourself to your classmates, but she didn't fall quite to the status of Emma. No, Ollie still had her crew of quidditch players, other seventh years, and Marley to keep her spirits up. At the circus though, her kind of freak show fit right in. She became one of them, almost instantaneously, and as a seventh year with no real dreams or goals, why not choose the circus? Why not decide this is the place for you?

She looked down at what she was doing, and laughed at herself a little. That was easier to do in this atmosphere. But something caused her to look up at Emma. Her excitement had seemed to drown out Logan's words for a few seconds, but they came crashing back. What was Olivia made of? She suppressed her giggle, the feeling moving from her lips to her cheeks in a rosy glow. "I might just keep that a secret, let you find out. You're rather good at seeing people." Olivia grinned, something of her years of suppressed sexual frustration coming out in her words, almost coming out every crevice of her body. You hold it in for so long, eventually it pushes its way out, and there was something about the circus that made Ollie want to open the door.

"Emma, it's all real. Embrace it." Ollie spoke as if she had brought Emma here on purpose, to relieve some sort of stress, but in the reality, Ollie hadn't a clue she would have ended up here at the end of the weekend. The Gryffindor common room usually buzzed with ideas of adventures, but rarely were those adventures put into action...save for the occasional prank around Hogwarts. So Ollie had this drone type of personality shoved onto her, the moment she tried out for the quidditch team. She had become the type of girl that perhaps Emma Logan hated most, with the desire to be different but never the courage. That made for a nice slew of lions that were too afraid to roar, fearing an upset in the status quo. Though, now, Ollie felt a little pride well up inside. She didn't have to be that drone anymore.

She pushed her shovel deep into the dirt, and slung her arm over the handle. Leaning against the wood, her right leg crossed over her left and her eyes dancing with a smirk, she motioned Emma closer to her. "Come on, let's magic this away and go...exploring." She whispered, her voice lingering on the last bit, like it was something old ladies said, just wasn't done. She shoved her hand into the pockets of her light blue jeans and pulled out her tempermental, black walnut wand. Her right hand closed tightly around the handle naturally, as wielding it was difficult for someone without the strength to handle it. Ollie's strength, slightly boyish, nearly began emanating from the tip with a tiny red spark.

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FIVE HUNDRED & SIXTY WORDS