things i never told you

[demitrius daxton amherst]

THINGS I NEVER TOLD YOU

THE PRIVATE JOURNAL OF DEMITRIUS DAXTON AMHERST

[demitrius daxton amherst]

it's the first of september, a wednesday. i just finished the welcome feast down in the great hall. i was only about two seats down from you. i ended up sitting next to rita skeeter. have you ever noticed just how loud she really is? and she spits food everywhere too sometimes. she'll be talking and she won't notice she's spit bits of food all over the people next to her. i'll have to remember for future occasions to stay out of rita's splash zone.

today was interesting. i mean, you and i had prefect duties on the hogwarts express together. it would have been such a long ride had i not been spending it with you. i know it's completely different for you. you seemed a little agitated by my being there. like, sometimes you would look over at me with this exasperated sort of expression. i was getting that whole telepathic, "dax, shut up." feeling from you. and every now and then, i'd say something completely idiotic and your eye-brows would stitch together slightly. i know it doesn't mean anything to you, the things i say or see. but to me, those minutes mean everything.

after prefect duties were over, we split up and i ended up in a compartment with a couple gryffindor 5th years. i keep getting coraline and koran mixed up, but one of them was there. they were all pretty mellow and i spent the rest of the ride to school reading this weird pamphlet on st. mungo's treatments that my mum had left in one of my school books on accident. not very exciting, i know, but it's just how things went.

when i was sitting there on the train, just thinking, i started to realize how many expectations i had for this year. it seems almost impossible, all the things i want to do. i mean, i'm thinking big. everyone knows that kyndrick laurent is just waiting to mess up so, i'm planning to be the quidditch captain by about november or december. i'm gonna try to keep all my grades in top shape so i can be in the running for head boy next year. and then, ya know, i've been thinking about you a lot lately.

i know it would probably sound creepy, should you actually read all these letters, but i just really want to be your boyfriend. you know, like your real boyfriend. i want to talk to you everyday and be the guy you want me to be. you're the only real friend i've got and i really, genuinely love you. i sound insane. you'd tell me i was insane if i was saying this out loud. i should probably burn this journal, as opposed to actually giving you these letters some day. it's just, what if we did work out? what if we started dating and some day, we got married and had a bunch of obviously good looking kids? and then, i would give you this journal and you wouldn't care how stupid or insane i sound because you'd love me just as much as i love you. wishful thinking, i know, but i want that to happen. we'll have to see if it does.

kyndrick laurent just knocked on the dormitory door to tell me she wants to talk quidditch strategies for this term. i'll have to cut this letter short.